Vienna

I'm doing my best to try to blog everyday. Two days in a row! Whoo hoo! :P

A friend asked me today what I'm going to do with my last day as an eighteen year old and I honestly didn't realize that the eighteenth year of my life is now over.

Every birthday comes as a kind of surprise to me. I never really feel much different, but I do remember what I used to think when I was younger. I remember thinking how far off eighteen seemed. I wondered how I was going to look, who I would still be friends with, if I would have the perfect boyfriend by my side, and how well I'd be doing in school. I'd look over the sink in the bathroom on my tippy toes and examine my pudgy little face, goofy smile, bushy eyebrows, and plain straight hair and think, "I can't wait to grow up."

And now as I stand in front of the bathroom sink (no tippy toes required), I don't see the same little girl I used to be. I'm what people would consider a "young woman." But the way that young woman in the mirror looks back at me reminds me of all the dreams that little girl had and how they've actually played out. I'm content with the way I look for the most part. I'm happy with who I am friends with.. I don't have a boyfriend by my side, but I'm realizing that's not something I need right now. And as for school, well.. I'm working on that :)

But most surprisingly, I find that as I look in the mirror.. I'm thinking, "I don't want to grow up."

Growing up means more responsibilities. More work, less play. More complicated situations. Seeing the people I love leave. Making decisions that will eventually hurt others.

Growing up is a big pain.. I don't know why I was in such a rush back then.

To reiterate some ideas from the past blog entries, this year of my life is about rebuilding, refining, and finding bits and pieces of myself. I'm defining and reinforcing my morals and beliefs. But I've got to remember that it's a slow process.. I've got to take things slowly and enjoy the little things around me like good friends and chocolate.

Here's to nineteen. Let's hope it's a year to remember :)


ASIAN. OUT.

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