Decade to Breathe Again

I know I haven't blogged in forever and no one reads this, but my good friend Justin said that writing is good for you and it doesn't matter what your writing for. I completely agree with him.

A decade has passed since Smallville started and despite the many people who have lost interest in it, I've stayed faithful and committed to it. The moment the credits rolled on the very last episode, I felt a little lost. It's sad because it's a just a TV show, but it's about the only thing I could depend on every week and every year.

It's not just a story about a boy who puts a suit on and becomes Superman. It's a story about family, friends, love, and trials of life. But most importantly, it's a story about identity and discovering who you're destined to be, with the help and guidance of your surroundings. It's a journey of self discovery and how one man learned to let go of and hold on to what he ultimately needed to finally become that iconic hero.

It's a good lesson to grow up with. When I was ten, I had no idea this is where I would be a decade later. Right now, I feel a little alone.

Where are my friends today? Far. Distant. Strangers. And it's because I push people away. I mess things up. I pretend I don't care. I don't ask even when I wonder how they are or what they're up to. I'm a coward, but I convince myself that's what's best. To keep my distance and give them space.

I want to fix things. I want to tell the people I care about how much they mean to me and how much I've missed them. That I'm sorry I pushed them away and didn't try.

By now it may be too late.. But I don't want to be gone someday and not have people know that they are being thought of and wished well, even if it's not returned.

Maybe when I've done that, I can move on and start discovering the rest of myself and who I'm going to be. I'm almost there, but I'm being held back by my past.

My future is right there.. but I can't move. Not yet.