CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Just thought I'd share a good song before I went back to studying :)
ASIAN. OUT.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Decode
Still in a Paramore mood :)
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
I hate how I can't read you.
And I hate how you make me feel.
You're like a drug.
"Like my own personal brand of heroin."
Oh man... too much Twilight :P
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
I hate how I can't read you.
And I hate how you make me feel.
You're like a drug.
"Like my own personal brand of heroin."
Oh man... too much Twilight :P
ASIAN. OUT.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
When It Rains
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
I'm in a Paramore mood.. and you should be too :P
By the way, my blog titles are song titles because I'm not creative, but I'd like to think that almost every song can be connected to some aspect of our everyday lives.
So I've been struggling with myself this week.. Mainly in the area of emotions and feelings. I want to have certain feelings, but I'm not letting myself for several reasons..
1. To protect myself and others
2. It's too damn complicated.
3. THAT'S JUST IT!
Let's just sum it up like this... I smile. I get butterflies. I get light-headed.
I have three problems. THREE.
How I let it get this way.. I'm not really sure. All I know is I feel kind of greedy.
I needed to share before I went to bed another night with this on my mind :P
Goodnight.
ASIAN. OUT.
I'm in a Paramore mood.. and you should be too :P
By the way, my blog titles are song titles because I'm not creative, but I'd like to think that almost every song can be connected to some aspect of our everyday lives.
So I've been struggling with myself this week.. Mainly in the area of emotions and feelings. I want to have certain feelings, but I'm not letting myself for several reasons..
1. To protect myself and others
2. It's too damn complicated.
3. THAT'S JUST IT!
Let's just sum it up like this... I smile. I get butterflies. I get light-headed.
I have three problems. THREE.
How I let it get this way.. I'm not really sure. All I know is I feel kind of greedy.
I needed to share before I went to bed another night with this on my mind :P
Goodnight.
ASIAN. OUT.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Are We Different?
Nothing much on my mind except Chemistry at the moment.
But here's another song. Hope you enjoy just as much as I do :)
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
ASIAN. OUT.
But here's another song. Hope you enjoy just as much as I do :)
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
ASIAN. OUT.
Monday, August 17, 2009
What If You
Studying for chemistry...
But I had to share a song because I love Joshua Radin :)
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Goodnight :)
ASIAN. OUT.
But I had to share a song because I love Joshua Radin :)
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Goodnight :)
ASIAN. OUT.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Discombobulation
Today was such a strange day.
Everything I've been thinking about for the past couple of days collided within 24 hours.
Just when I thought I should say one thing to a certain person, something comes up and changes my whole plan. It's like some supernatural force wants to confuse the living daylights out of me.
I'm too discombobulated to say anything else.
Goodnight :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
NOTHING.
Everything I've been thinking about for the past couple of days collided within 24 hours.
Just when I thought I should say one thing to a certain person, something comes up and changes my whole plan. It's like some supernatural force wants to confuse the living daylights out of me.
I'm too discombobulated to say anything else.
Goodnight :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
NOTHING.
Hope You're Happy
I hope your happy.
Most of what we shared is now yours.
Enjoy it while I sit here and watch.
But of course I deserve it.
I deserve it because I did what my heart told me to do and that's selfish.
I'll mourn my loss and cherish my gains.
Tell everyone I said hi.
Most of what we shared is now yours.
Enjoy it while I sit here and watch.
But of course I deserve it.
I deserve it because I did what my heart told me to do and that's selfish.
I'll mourn my loss and cherish my gains.
Tell everyone I said hi.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
One Moment More
Being six was so easy. Simple.
Back then making friends wasn't hard. I remember the moment my elementary best friend and I became friends. It went a little something like this:
Hi. I'm Precious.
My name's Christina.
Do you want to be my friend?
Yeah.
And just like that, two strangers became the best of friends for the next four years. Unfortunately she moved away. I was too young to realize what was going on then. I didn't notice how often people made appearances in my life and then disappeared as quickly as they had arrived. I didn't feel much sadness then because I didn't know any better. I was simple. I felt simple things. Sad. Scared. Happy.
Someone close to me described heartbreak in an interesting way. They said, "It's as if your heart is falling out of your butt."
Now I'm not really sure if that's exactly how it feels to everyone, but what I'm getting at is that it's a whole different magnitude than just simply sad.
Heartbreak is something I've felt once in my life. Once when someone left.
It's such a complicated feeling with several different stages and ranges of emotions.
Sometimes that night replays in my head. My heart breaks a little again, but it mends.
I just wish sometimes I could go back to being that happy six year old who would be sad for only a few moments.. Then happy again when she saw something or someone she loved.
I guess all I can do now is try my best to avoid situations that would potentially put my heart at risk.
On another note, I find that sitting still is quite relaxing. Gives me a chance to find a little bit of calm and center in life. Running around physically and mentally all the time is exhausting.
I talk about random things.. thanks for reading anyways :)
Goodnight.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Back then making friends wasn't hard. I remember the moment my elementary best friend and I became friends. It went a little something like this:
Hi. I'm Precious.
My name's Christina.
Do you want to be my friend?
Yeah.
And just like that, two strangers became the best of friends for the next four years. Unfortunately she moved away. I was too young to realize what was going on then. I didn't notice how often people made appearances in my life and then disappeared as quickly as they had arrived. I didn't feel much sadness then because I didn't know any better. I was simple. I felt simple things. Sad. Scared. Happy.
Someone close to me described heartbreak in an interesting way. They said, "It's as if your heart is falling out of your butt."
Now I'm not really sure if that's exactly how it feels to everyone, but what I'm getting at is that it's a whole different magnitude than just simply sad.
Heartbreak is something I've felt once in my life. Once when someone left.
It's such a complicated feeling with several different stages and ranges of emotions.
Sometimes that night replays in my head. My heart breaks a little again, but it mends.
I just wish sometimes I could go back to being that happy six year old who would be sad for only a few moments.. Then happy again when she saw something or someone she loved.
I guess all I can do now is try my best to avoid situations that would potentially put my heart at risk.
On another note, I find that sitting still is quite relaxing. Gives me a chance to find a little bit of calm and center in life. Running around physically and mentally all the time is exhausting.
I talk about random things.. thanks for reading anyways :)
Goodnight.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Freshmen
I'm not really sure when I knocked out yesterday.. But it was pretty damn early.
I am super refreshed right now though.. In fact, I'm going to make an omelette :)
But first, Happy Birthday to the one and only Bryan Burgonio! I hope you have a great birthday. It's hard to rewind and think about those days back in junior high. We were so damn young. But here we are, at nineteen and I'm glad you were someone I could grow up with and experience all those awkward moments that come with growing up. From the dreadful first day of freshman year of high school to the first day of college. Thanks for always being there no matter what our differences were. I'm hoping for many more years of 'Happy Birthdays' and memories.
So yesterday was actually pretty uneventful. Partly because I knocked out really early so I didn't experience the whole day to the fullest. Hopefully this week will bring on some more interesting things. I've been feeling a lot better since Wednesday. My throat still hurts a little and I'm still feeling a little congested, but I have enough energy to start up P90x again. That's always a good sign.
On a random note, I've been craving KFC. I'm going to get that guys recipe someday and I'm going to make the best fried chicken ever. Take that COLONEL! (Why is that pronounced KER NEL.. I dont get it :P)
Anyways, I'm feeling an emptiness in my life right now. I think I'm ready to just move into my apartment and go back to school. I'm missing it and quite frankly, there isn't much to do here at home. Everyone's got their own thing to do and I don't really see much of anyone. Of course I don't think I put much of an effort into contacting people to see if their busy, but what's the point when I know what the answer is going to be, "Sorry.. I've got plans already," or "Uh... who else is going?" What does it matter if someone else is going? Oh... I get it.. you don't want to hang out with me alone. Gotcha. QUIT BEATING AROUND THE BUSH. A simple NO would save us both some time. So I find myself sitting there, flipping through my phonebook, thinking, no, she's busy... no, she has a boyfriend... no, he hates me... no, she's too cool.. no, he's --- and on and on and on.
Okay, I'm venting. I feel better though.
But of course, there are those who I know are trying. Thank you to them. I should probably stop complaining and start making some more phone calls. I need to make an effort. It's just so much easier to put the blame on others.
I'm human. Don't act like you don't think/do the same thing.
Alright, omelette time.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
I am super refreshed right now though.. In fact, I'm going to make an omelette :)
But first, Happy Birthday to the one and only Bryan Burgonio! I hope you have a great birthday. It's hard to rewind and think about those days back in junior high. We were so damn young. But here we are, at nineteen and I'm glad you were someone I could grow up with and experience all those awkward moments that come with growing up. From the dreadful first day of freshman year of high school to the first day of college. Thanks for always being there no matter what our differences were. I'm hoping for many more years of 'Happy Birthdays' and memories.
So yesterday was actually pretty uneventful. Partly because I knocked out really early so I didn't experience the whole day to the fullest. Hopefully this week will bring on some more interesting things. I've been feeling a lot better since Wednesday. My throat still hurts a little and I'm still feeling a little congested, but I have enough energy to start up P90x again. That's always a good sign.
On a random note, I've been craving KFC. I'm going to get that guys recipe someday and I'm going to make the best fried chicken ever. Take that COLONEL! (Why is that pronounced KER NEL.. I dont get it :P)
Anyways, I'm feeling an emptiness in my life right now. I think I'm ready to just move into my apartment and go back to school. I'm missing it and quite frankly, there isn't much to do here at home. Everyone's got their own thing to do and I don't really see much of anyone. Of course I don't think I put much of an effort into contacting people to see if their busy, but what's the point when I know what the answer is going to be, "Sorry.. I've got plans already," or "Uh... who else is going?" What does it matter if someone else is going? Oh... I get it.. you don't want to hang out with me alone. Gotcha. QUIT BEATING AROUND THE BUSH. A simple NO would save us both some time. So I find myself sitting there, flipping through my phonebook, thinking, no, she's busy... no, she has a boyfriend... no, he hates me... no, she's too cool.. no, he's --- and on and on and on.
Okay, I'm venting. I feel better though.
But of course, there are those who I know are trying. Thank you to them. I should probably stop complaining and start making some more phone calls. I need to make an effort. It's just so much easier to put the blame on others.
I'm human. Don't act like you don't think/do the same thing.
Alright, omelette time.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Reason Why
I'm still feeling a bit under the weather so I'll leave today's blog with this excerpt from one of my favorite shows: Bones.
It's touching on some things I've been thinking about lately.
You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering.
That's the sad truth.
Maybe they'll break your heart.
Maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way.
Those are the risks.
That's the burden.
Like wings, they have weight.
We feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.
Have a great night :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
It's touching on some things I've been thinking about lately.
You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering.
That's the sad truth.
Maybe they'll break your heart.
Maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way.
Those are the risks.
That's the burden.
Like wings, they have weight.
We feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.
Have a great night :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Gravity
My god I feel nauseatingly light headed.
I barely started my workout and all the blood in my head decided to drain out.
I haven't been sick for so long I forgot how much I hated it. I can't smell, taste, or hear anything.
No pain, no gain I guess.
I'm feeling emotional this week. I'm probably going to cry about something stupid or yell/vent about something ridiculous. Please ignore me if I do. It's just about that time of the month :P
Alright.. I was going to post some more, but apparently my body is telling me I need to vomit.. So.. I'll save my thoughts for later.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
I barely started my workout and all the blood in my head decided to drain out.
I haven't been sick for so long I forgot how much I hated it. I can't smell, taste, or hear anything.
No pain, no gain I guess.
I'm feeling emotional this week. I'm probably going to cry about something stupid or yell/vent about something ridiculous. Please ignore me if I do. It's just about that time of the month :P
Alright.. I was going to post some more, but apparently my body is telling me I need to vomit.. So.. I'll save my thoughts for later.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Beautiful Day
And I thought YESTERDAY was a beautiful day :P
I couldn't ask for better friends. Thank you sooooo much for everything you guys did today! Even though you all already did enough with the bonfire and everything :D
You guys sure know how to make an ill girl feel better. I always enjoy Hazel's cupcakes whether I'm physically suffering or not :P
Sorry if I made things kind of complicated with my indecisiveness. I seriously do appreciate everything though! Thank you!! <333
And to top off the night... I came home and found a package waiting for me. Turns out my older brother bought me the Serenity movie.. COLLECTOR'S EDITION!! HAha.. I'm such a nerd. Thank you Peter!
Today was great.
One of the best birthdays (or birthday weeks, I should say) of my life :)
Now it's time for me to get some rest so I can get better.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
I couldn't ask for better friends. Thank you sooooo much for everything you guys did today! Even though you all already did enough with the bonfire and everything :D
You guys sure know how to make an ill girl feel better. I always enjoy Hazel's cupcakes whether I'm physically suffering or not :P
Sorry if I made things kind of complicated with my indecisiveness. I seriously do appreciate everything though! Thank you!! <333
And to top off the night... I came home and found a package waiting for me. Turns out my older brother bought me the Serenity movie.. COLLECTOR'S EDITION!! HAha.. I'm such a nerd. Thank you Peter!
Today was great.
One of the best birthdays (or birthday weeks, I should say) of my life :)
Now it's time for me to get some rest so I can get better.
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I Shall Believe
What a beautiful day.
I got to hang out with my two best friends today. I'm really glad I got to spend some time with them today, even if it was only for a couple of hours. I forget sometimes that I came from a whole different kind of family before I got to Irvine and I loved that family dearly. It's nice to have them bring me back to those great memories and just be able to laugh about old and dumb stuff. Sometimes I'm sure it seems like I get caught up in my new lifestyle, but I spend a lot of time thinking about what used to be and I get nostalgic. It's good to know that we can still get together after all the time spent away from each other and have fun :)
It actually rained for like five minutes with the sun shining bright through the clouds.
It was a beautiful sight.
Maybe Nature is telling me that I should just take the good with the bad.. Rain with the shine.. Sweet with the sour :P
Such a great day to start off my nineteenth year :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
I got to hang out with my two best friends today. I'm really glad I got to spend some time with them today, even if it was only for a couple of hours. I forget sometimes that I came from a whole different kind of family before I got to Irvine and I loved that family dearly. It's nice to have them bring me back to those great memories and just be able to laugh about old and dumb stuff. Sometimes I'm sure it seems like I get caught up in my new lifestyle, but I spend a lot of time thinking about what used to be and I get nostalgic. It's good to know that we can still get together after all the time spent away from each other and have fun :)
It actually rained for like five minutes with the sun shining bright through the clouds.
It was a beautiful sight.
Maybe Nature is telling me that I should just take the good with the bad.. Rain with the shine.. Sweet with the sour :P
Such a great day to start off my nineteenth year :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Monday, August 3, 2009
Vienna
I'm doing my best to try to blog everyday. Two days in a row! Whoo hoo! :P
A friend asked me today what I'm going to do with my last day as an eighteen year old and I honestly didn't realize that the eighteenth year of my life is now over.
Every birthday comes as a kind of surprise to me. I never really feel much different, but I do remember what I used to think when I was younger. I remember thinking how far off eighteen seemed. I wondered how I was going to look, who I would still be friends with, if I would have the perfect boyfriend by my side, and how well I'd be doing in school. I'd look over the sink in the bathroom on my tippy toes and examine my pudgy little face, goofy smile, bushy eyebrows, and plain straight hair and think, "I can't wait to grow up."
And now as I stand in front of the bathroom sink (no tippy toes required), I don't see the same little girl I used to be. I'm what people would consider a "young woman." But the way that young woman in the mirror looks back at me reminds me of all the dreams that little girl had and how they've actually played out. I'm content with the way I look for the most part. I'm happy with who I am friends with.. I don't have a boyfriend by my side, but I'm realizing that's not something I need right now. And as for school, well.. I'm working on that :)
But most surprisingly, I find that as I look in the mirror.. I'm thinking, "I don't want to grow up."
Growing up means more responsibilities. More work, less play. More complicated situations. Seeing the people I love leave. Making decisions that will eventually hurt others.
Growing up is a big pain.. I don't know why I was in such a rush back then.
To reiterate some ideas from the past blog entries, this year of my life is about rebuilding, refining, and finding bits and pieces of myself. I'm defining and reinforcing my morals and beliefs. But I've got to remember that it's a slow process.. I've got to take things slowly and enjoy the little things around me like good friends and chocolate.
Here's to nineteen. Let's hope it's a year to remember :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
A friend asked me today what I'm going to do with my last day as an eighteen year old and I honestly didn't realize that the eighteenth year of my life is now over.
Every birthday comes as a kind of surprise to me. I never really feel much different, but I do remember what I used to think when I was younger. I remember thinking how far off eighteen seemed. I wondered how I was going to look, who I would still be friends with, if I would have the perfect boyfriend by my side, and how well I'd be doing in school. I'd look over the sink in the bathroom on my tippy toes and examine my pudgy little face, goofy smile, bushy eyebrows, and plain straight hair and think, "I can't wait to grow up."
And now as I stand in front of the bathroom sink (no tippy toes required), I don't see the same little girl I used to be. I'm what people would consider a "young woman." But the way that young woman in the mirror looks back at me reminds me of all the dreams that little girl had and how they've actually played out. I'm content with the way I look for the most part. I'm happy with who I am friends with.. I don't have a boyfriend by my side, but I'm realizing that's not something I need right now. And as for school, well.. I'm working on that :)
But most surprisingly, I find that as I look in the mirror.. I'm thinking, "I don't want to grow up."
Growing up means more responsibilities. More work, less play. More complicated situations. Seeing the people I love leave. Making decisions that will eventually hurt others.
Growing up is a big pain.. I don't know why I was in such a rush back then.
To reiterate some ideas from the past blog entries, this year of my life is about rebuilding, refining, and finding bits and pieces of myself. I'm defining and reinforcing my morals and beliefs. But I've got to remember that it's a slow process.. I've got to take things slowly and enjoy the little things around me like good friends and chocolate.
Here's to nineteen. Let's hope it's a year to remember :)
ASIAN. OUT.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Cat & Mouse
I turn NINETEEN in two days! :)
Thanks for a great day at the beach yesterday! I really appreciate it.. especially since I wasn't planning on doing anything for my birthday. Glad everyone got to get together for a little while and hang out :)
I'm blogging before I start studying because I'm probably not going to have much time to do anything these next five weeks :( If I want a better grade for my class I've got to work really hard this time around.
In other news, I'm kind of disappointed about a couple things right now. Mainly in a couple people and in myself as well. I guess it's because I've had this vision of what my relationships were going to be with certain people and it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it too partly because of my lack of effort. I'm losing touch with people I care about, but sometimes it's hard to put effort in when the other end doesn't seem to care quite as much. But we'll see if those relationships last past this summer. I truly hope they will.
Again.. switching topics. I'm not sure if all these butterflies and cheesy smiles are worth it.. Some days it seems like the smiles, laughing, and playfulness all mean something. Other days it goes in the opposite direction.
So with all these complications, I keep focusing on school, work, family, and friends. A relationship is not what I'm looking for. I've got my eyes on an academic goal this year.
Can't say I don't enjoy the occasional butterflies and gushy smiles :)
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
ASIAN. OUT.
Thanks for a great day at the beach yesterday! I really appreciate it.. especially since I wasn't planning on doing anything for my birthday. Glad everyone got to get together for a little while and hang out :)
I'm blogging before I start studying because I'm probably not going to have much time to do anything these next five weeks :( If I want a better grade for my class I've got to work really hard this time around.
In other news, I'm kind of disappointed about a couple things right now. Mainly in a couple people and in myself as well. I guess it's because I've had this vision of what my relationships were going to be with certain people and it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it too partly because of my lack of effort. I'm losing touch with people I care about, but sometimes it's hard to put effort in when the other end doesn't seem to care quite as much. But we'll see if those relationships last past this summer. I truly hope they will.
Again.. switching topics. I'm not sure if all these butterflies and cheesy smiles are worth it.. Some days it seems like the smiles, laughing, and playfulness all mean something. Other days it goes in the opposite direction.
So with all these complications, I keep focusing on school, work, family, and friends. A relationship is not what I'm looking for. I've got my eyes on an academic goal this year.
Can't say I don't enjoy the occasional butterflies and gushy smiles :)
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
ASIAN. OUT.
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