Breathe

Help.

Currently Listening To:


ASIAN. OUT.

Clean

I need to clean.

Everything looks so messy around me. I'm gonna vacuum, mop, scrub, and dust. Maybe I'll even rearrange some things.

I just need to clean.

Dare You To Move

Alright.

I understand.

I get it.

I screw up.

I can't blame it on me being human or whatever. I just don't think and I get caught up in moments.

But why, for every ounce of happiness I get to experience, are there five times the consequences waiting for me at the end of that road?

This is karma isn't it?

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:


ASIAN. OUT.

Feelings?

This is why I love How I Met Your Mother :)
Boys.. LEARN! :P

ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM FEELINGS?

What Are Feelings?

Feelings are a tender emotional state that develop when a male becomes fixated on a single female to the exclusion of others. Even others with bigger boobs.

Early Warning Signs

When you’re around one particular chick, you experience:

•Pounding Heart
•Dry Mouth
•Nausea
•Inability to speak
•Sweating
•Desire to say flattering things

If undiagnosed, these warning signs can quickly develop into the full blown disease…

Symptoms

•Warm fluttery feelings in stomach
•Lightheadedness
•An unexplained urge to watch Love Actually
•Sudden increase in cuddling occurrences
•Brunch cravings
•Explosive monogamy
•Happiness
•Failure to notice other hot women
•Crosswording

Transmission

Though correlation remains scientifically inconclusive, studies indicate “hand holding” may play a role in spreading Feelings from one person to another.

Treatment

At this time the only treatment for Feelings is a multi-week course in Other Women. If symptoms persist, repeat course at a higher dosage. NOTE: This treatment can result in harmful side-effects such as rash, infection, and in some cases, pregnancy.

paid for by the Barney Stinson Foundation

“Together we can end Feelings”

Find more here.

I can't sleep.. What the hell? Get outta my head.

Big Big Girl

You know, I'm all for giving up your time to help others and altruism, but sometimes people need to set aside time for themselves.

It's selfish to take time to yourself and not care about anything else.. FALSE.

I mean, goodness gracious once in a while BE SELFISH! It's human nature. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. What's wrong with being human?
Okay, most humans are stupid, ignorant, and half the time they don't know much beyond what the box with the moving pictures tell them about the world (although now a days that box is flat and has high definition images and sound.. love technology).

But that's not my point, my point is that if you don't take care of yourself or really take some time away to just be with yourself, your thoughts, and your needs, how are you going to be able to save others?

Can doctor's save lives if they themselves are the ones who are sick?
Are you any good to someone else if you can't save yourself?
And if you don't know how to save yourself, is saving others making up for what you can't do for yourself? In that case, is it more for the people you're saving, or is it for yourself? Is that itself a selfish act?

In my opinion, those who are so desperate to help others are the ones in need of help themselves. Hiding behind the selfless acts doesn't make things any better. Yeah, it's a temporary fix, good for the community, and makes you look and feel real good about things.

Help others, but do it for the right reasons. There's a difference between favors and actually helping someone through a selfless act. Favors, you can expect something back.. You can't expect something in return when you give up something willingly without being asked (I'm branching off on a tangent now... I'll revisit this another day :P)

(Anyways..)

Even those who are the best of all Superheros found time to make some time and happiness for themselves.

Superman, even though he's technically an alien, had his Fortress of Solitude and Lois Lane.
Spider-Man had his photography and Mary Jane.

We as humans are selfish by nature. Deal with it.
But fight it and learn not to succumb to it all the time.

These are the late night thoughts I have. Whether or not they make sense doesn't matter to me. I just have to get them out before I sleep.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:


ASIAN. OUT.

Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

Is it sad that food blogs make me extremely happy?

Food is one of the few things that never disappoints me in life.
God I love food.

I had an awesome visit to Boiling Crab with my favorite little sister this afternoon. Gahhh.. So good. No words to describe. I swear one day I'm going to get (a word here meaning.. STEAL) the recipe and make that shiet myself at home :D

I was going to go on this long ass rant about some stupid crap that was annoying me, but I don't think I will. I'm having a pretty good day compared to the crappy week I spent beating myself up for the dumb shit that I do and quite frankly, I'd like to stay in this happy mood.

Speaking of happy things, some people are just too cute, namely people who bite my arm out of nowhere.. oh and my roommates! ;)

I don't know where any of this is going, but I like it :P
It's nice to know someone else is on the same page as I am.. relationship-wise.
Sometimes things get too complicated, but this is different. Simple and fun.

That's all I ask for.

Don't Judge. Just listen.
This is my life and I'm living it.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:


ASIAN. OUT.

Someone Else's Arms

There's this night I keep thinking about.
I'm trying to make sense of it all because for years now I've blocked it from my mind and played it off like it was nothing.
Sometimes when you do that long enough, you start to believe that what you've been thinking is true.

But the fog is starting to disappear.. I'm not sure I want to accept though.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:


ASIAN. OUT.

Beauty From Pain

God I feel empty.

No matter how many things I fill my life with, I just end up feeling emptier than when I started.

I'm done making irrational and impulsive decisions.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:


-ASIAN. OUT.

The Heart of Life

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:


Not really liking John Mayer with long hair.. but the man can sing :)

So, I'm sitting in the library again because I finished what I was supposed to do for today. And once again, when all is silent I can hear myself thinking.

I want to address an issue (or somewhat of a pet peeve of mine I guess) that's been on my mind for some time.

There are some people in this world who are impossibly heroic. I consider my cousin one of these people. He's currently in Indonesia assisting as a doctor after all the natural disasters that have occurred in that region. To give time up like that to help those who are in dire need of help half way across the world is amazing. Firefighters, policemen (most of them), etc. These people are heroes because they have the training, courage, and heart.

I like these people.

Then there's another category of heroes.. who I don't like as much.
Let's get one thing straight before I continue. I understand that most of the time people genuinely want to help and are really kind. I appreciate this and their thoughtfulness. There's nothing wrong with what they do.

But.
It just bugs me.

I like to be independent. I don't like to seem weak (although at times I will act weak when the situation calls for it.. like say a cute guy walks by :P). I am capable of doing many things on my own. When I need help, I ask for it. I'm not so prideful that I won't ask for assistance when I truly need it. Sometimes I have to make a mistake before I ask for help, but I like making mistakes because I get to learn from them.

So, what bugs me is when I am in the middle of a task and someone asks me if I need help.

• Do I need help vacuuming my room? No.. not really. I've been doing it for a really long time now. I know how to push this thing around until all the dirt is gone. When I lose both my arms.. maybe you can help then.
  

• Do I need help putting this seemingly simple apparatus together? No.. I'm fine unless I get really confused.. thanks, but I enjoy figuring how to put things together on my own so I know how to do it next time. Yeah, it's cool that you already know how to do it. How about you give me a go at it now cause I'm kind of bored just sitting here watching you put together something I was really looking forward to putting together myself.

• Do I need a ride somewhere I can obviously get to on my own with my own car? No. Thanks for offering to waste your gas on me though. The Earth must really love you.

And on and on. I know I'm being kind of mean right now, but it's seemed to happen to me a lot this past summer and beginning of this school year and I kind of needed to vent because it's almost as bad as my "talking during a tv show or movie" pet peeve.

Oh, and you people think I'm so blind. I am being hypocritical because just this morning, I got milk for Hazel when she could have gotten it herself. There are plenty of other instances when I have done something similar to this as well, but au contraire.
After I do what I do, I curse myself and find that I bug myself!

Shoot me. I'm only human.

Like I said though, there's nothing wrong with it. It's nice that people do things to help others whether they're big or small things, but for some reason when someone constantly does it to me.. I really hate it.

It's time for me to attempt homework :(

ASIAN. OUT.

All We Are

"Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge is yourself."

I won't ignore it anymore and I don't want to have to hide what I feel. There's someone that I like (not just the average crush :P) Whether they like me back or not, is out of the question. I set out to accomplish a lot academically this year and getting into something like that again is definitely not going to help me in anyway. But I enjoy this feeling. It's free somehow. Less serious with all the butterflies.

And I know there are some people out there who are going to read this and think I'm a heartless bitch for having feelings for someone else when I was just out of a relationship less than six months ago. They're going to think that because I haven't stayed in touch or even showed signs of hurting after it all. I say to them, don't judge me. You can call me a heartless bitch and talk your shit, but please, call me a heartless bitch and talk your shit to my face. I would appreciate it more. And maybe after you're done and there's time, we can sit down and you can listen to my journey through all this. There are countless sides to every story.

In the end, we're all human. We hurt. We bleed. We love. We feel.
I can't control how I feel for someone else. All I can do is stick with my priorities and live my life the way that I believe is best for me.
But those feelings will be there until they've played out. I can't do much about it other than pay attention to them.. or not.

ASIAN. OUT.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:

No Happy Ending

There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.

Word.
Although, I'm avoiding my heart right now so no need converse with it at this very moment :)

So school is fun.. despite the four hour OChem Lab. I'm really enjoying Soc 1 mainly because my professor is nuts and I love listening to what he has to say. It's different from the rest of my classes which is good because I stay awake :)
I'm loving the apartment and my roommates. I love how we can leave our doors open and that we share our food.. :P and that even though we've only been there for two weeks, it feels like we've been there for months. But mostly, I love them cause they're just awesome people <3

I would blog more but it's getting late.
I swear I'll find some time to update more often for those of you who actually do read my blog (thanks by the way).

GOODNIGHT.
ASIAN. OUT.

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