You And Me And The Bottle Makes Three Tonight

I thought this was a funny picture.. My dad and the dog taking an afternoon nap. I guess dogs really are man's best friend.. Or they at least have the same sleeping patterns :P

The most beautiful orange I have ever laid eyes on.. and then ate. Just thought I'd share :)

Ah, rainy days. Snapped this one on my way to my cousins. I think it's pretty.. Especially since I'm in the car nice and dry :P

So this past week hasn't been all that great. I've forgotten how to be responsible and I've been feeling confused and hurt on and off. And that's all I've really been feeling. It's really numbing after awhile. I've begun to think that it's all that I can feel.. like I'm not human anymore.
And so Sunday rolled around.
Oh, Sunday. I don't know where my self control went, but it certainly wasn't with me when that shot glass full of tequila was in front of me... or when it was filled again with Vodka.. then Gin.. And it definitely wasn't there when I couldn't even remember what was being poured into the glass. Not one of my finest moments in life, but I guess I was pretty funny.
Thankfully I have great friends who are willing to take care of me even when I can barely walk or talk. Thank you to everyone who helped me out, especially Hazel. I don't know how you dealt with my fatass hanging on to you the whole way to the dumpster and then seeing me puke up everything I had that night. Thanks for sticking by me the whole night :)
And thank you Jon and Justin for picking us up, carrying me back to my room and making sure I wasn't drunk dialing or texting. I owe you guys one. Oh and of course, Matt. Dear old Matt who graciously made me down some strange drink that forced me to throw everything up (I felt much better afterwards) and carried my fatass all the way back to the apartment :)

What a night.

I've thought a couple times to myself, like some people I know have, 'why do people subject themselves to something like drinking if they know it's going to end up badly?'
I guess in my situation, I kind of understand why. It just feels good to forget about your problems for awhile, even for a couple hours. I know drinking isn't the only option, but I think it's the quickest and requires the least amount of work (and let's face it, I'm pretty lazy). And when I threw up and had that splitting headache in the morning, I finally felt something other than just that numbing confusion and hurt I'd been feeling for the past two weeks. Now I just sound alcoholic..
But really, after everything is said and done.. Drinking just made things worse. And I don't want to do it again anytime soon or in the near future.
Now I'm sitting here with basically everything to lose and nothing to win.

I'm stuck between who I want to be and where I'm actually heading. My sense of right and wrong isn't as easy as black and white anymore. I'm seeing more gray than anything these past few weeks. I thought I knew who I was, but I'm not so sure anymore. And I thought it was him who needed time to find himself, but maybe we both need to. I know I need to do it by myself, but I'm afraid to let go.

And now I'm back to where I started.. feeling confused and hurt.

What happened? Who has the answers?