"A Boring Evening At Home"

YouTube won't let me embed but..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zn-fPM4KS0

Inspirational and moving.
I think I'll be watching the documentary soon.

I posted it because I missed home. I'm lame, I know. I didn't go home for a week.. boo hoo.
I come home at least two times a week, but I really enjoy just talking to my brothers, sister, and my parents. I feel like they're the only people who really get me sometimes. My little brother is the only one who will laugh at dumb things with me. My sister is the one person who will put up with all my ramblings about nothing. I can only talk about dorky superman/comic stuff with my older brother. And I like to tell my parents about what's going on in my life, because I know that they'll have tons of advice for me when I'm done babbling.. especially from my dad :P

Speaking of my dad and his advice.. we had a conversation while ago about just setting time aside for yourself to, well.. enjoy a boring evening at home.

I find that sometimes people are so consumed in their lives and so busy with trying to accomplish what their supposed to in order to be successful that they forget to take a moment, an hour, or a day to just appreciate and enjoy what is their life.
I've definitely been guilty of this on several occasions. I feel like I need to do things constantly or else I'm wasting my time in this world. So I pile up my to do list. I try to make more friends. I surround myself with busy work to avoid that awkward silence with myself when I've discovered there's nothing left to do.. And when that happens, I label it "boredom." Boredom has such a negative connotation to me.. I get restless and angry when I can't find something to do, but after the conversation with my dad, I'm starting to think its not such a bad thing to be still and alone for awhile. And not just being alone, because I've done that before when people annoy me and I want to be away from them, but being reflective in that moment of stillness and peace.
I'd like to have a day where I can simply be immersed in my life, soak in the beauty around me, begin to discover who I really am, and what my role in this world will be. Maybe I sound naive.. because we all live different lives (some of us have very little to appreciate) and you cant just simply turn away from all your responsibilities, but I think it's a responsibility to take time to understand yourself, your values, and your morals. How else can you understand others if you can't distinguish who you are in your own life? How can you connect to the people you love when you can't find a connection with yourself? Can you understand love without ever once in your life having love for yourself?

My mind is everywhere right now.

Ramblings to avoid my research paper... oh joy! Back to work :P

ASIAN. OUT.

Snow Globes

Today I went to Target with my lovely friends.
I saw Mother's Day snow globes on a rack.
I discovered that they also had music boxes at the bottom of the globe.
I proceeded to turn it on and listen to the pretty music it made.
As I set it down.. I decided to set all of them off at once.
It was horrible, but beautiful at the same time.
I laughed.

It's nice to feel something other than just empty like I have for these past couple of days.

Someone told me my actions were selfish. I've been thinking about that statement for awhile. Maybe I made a mistake. I was so sure of what I wanted in that moment.

I don't know anymore, but I know that I'm tired right now.. and that I love being with the people who can make my broken heart smile.. especially now when I'm having a hard time putting the pieces back together.

Thanks for today.

ASIAN. OUT.

Emotion

I wish I wasn't so emotionally challenged.




At least then I would be able to feel my heart breaking.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

So as of right now, I'm sitting in the library.. "Working" :P

I can't help but think that I'm a real failure sometimes. I mean I know people are going to tell me, "No, Christina, you're not." Then they'll proceed to look at me with a facial expression that implies that I'm being dramatic and just want reassurance that I'm not a complete idiot because I lack self-esteem (I don't actually know who actually does this.. but I imagine that's how it would go down).

That's not it though. I've got plenty self-esteem.. most of the time. I know I've accomplished some good things in my life, but lately I haven't felt the drive and motivation I used to have to push me above and beyond the minimal requirements. I used to want to be the best in every aspect of my life. I had a lot of curiosity and actually enjoyed learning about new things.. with enthusiasm. Now all I want to do is curl up in my warm blanket, watch TV dramas, and sleep. My mind was fried last quarter and I don't know how to cool it down and start over. It's taking a toll on my academics and my social life. This new progression (or rather regression) of my personal evolution is failing.. and I need to fix it.

Work is over.. Time for me to go back to Anaheim.

Asian. Out.

EPIC

Sound of Music Train Station @ Yahoo! Video

Take Time to Realize..

The World is Beautiful.

It's full of beautiful creatures and strong people who find ways to persevere even through the toughest obstacles that most of us probably never have to endure.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

"Keep walking, though there's no place to get to. Don't try and see through the distances. That's not for human beings. Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move. Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground." ~ Rumi.


I just like this video :)