Post Finals

It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)

This morning, as I got up to shower, I picked up my shower caddy only have a chunk of my skin sliced off.

There was blood.. And lots of it! :P
But I'm okay, if anyone was worried.

I haven't blogged for a really long time and I feel extremely free right now. This quarter didn't go exactly how I planned it, but I'm just happy that it's over now.
My grades aren't too great, but honestly, I deserve what I got. All those times I chose naps over studying and games over listening in lecture took its toll on me this time. So I'm going to say it and hopefully go through with what I say: I will work hard and more efficiently next quarter.

Haha... that's easier said than done.

So other than school, I recently started teaching the drum major of Magnolia High School. I thought I was done being nervous about performing and making up routines, but then this opportunity made its way to me and I am really enjoying it. I thought being a competitor for four years was exhilarating. The adrenaline and nervousness you get when you're waiting for your cue to start and the accomplished (or disappointed) feeling that runs through your mind and heart after it's all over was always something that I enjoyed.
But being a teacher, a coach, and a mentor is something completely different and somehow at the same time still as exciting and exhilarating as being the one in the uniform. I'm really glad that I took this on this job. It's good pay which is great, but more importantly it's a learning and character building process for me as well. I'm learning about my weaknesses and flaws as a person as well as strengths through every lesson I have. Patience has been one of my stronger points, but at times it was really tested, especially in the beginning. I've also learned I'm a big softie.. Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down to get things done and you have to say "no" when you need to :P
Aside from learning about myself, I hope I've been giving my student adequate advice and coaching. I'm really proud of him after every performance. It's funny watching other people grow and progress and knowing I had just a little bit to do with it makes my heart smile.
I'm extremely proud of my little brother as well. Not only is he doing well with his routine, but he's also teaching others at the same time. He's doing a damn good job at it too :)
And that is why I go home every weekend.. To watch these young talented people bring to life the beautiful art of drum majoring simply because they're worth my time, attention, and dedication.




In other news, I've been neglecting my amazing and incredibly handsome boyfriend, so I'm going to spend most of Spring Break trying to win his love back! :P
He still loves me though... I hope.

Okay last, but not least, I've been playing DRAW MY THING and it's basically a drawing game.. where you draw and people guess the word. Problem is.. I suck at drawing apparently, at least according to Justin... and the whole world. So GUESS WHAT? Just so I can give you guys an opportunity to make fun of me some more, I'm going to post a drawing! :) Maybe every blog.. not sure yet.


But anyways, here's a drawing to end my blog. Enjoy!
Hope you've all been happy and healthy! Have a great spring break! :)

Asian. Out.

4am

And here we go again.

Rain

I was stressing and freaking out..
Until I found this:


I needed something soothing. I feel more relaxed now :)

Just Thought I'd Share

I thought this was a pretty cool music video :)

You And Me And The Bottle Makes Three Tonight

I thought this was a funny picture.. My dad and the dog taking an afternoon nap. I guess dogs really are man's best friend.. Or they at least have the same sleeping patterns :P

The most beautiful orange I have ever laid eyes on.. and then ate. Just thought I'd share :)

Ah, rainy days. Snapped this one on my way to my cousins. I think it's pretty.. Especially since I'm in the car nice and dry :P

So this past week hasn't been all that great. I've forgotten how to be responsible and I've been feeling confused and hurt on and off. And that's all I've really been feeling. It's really numbing after awhile. I've begun to think that it's all that I can feel.. like I'm not human anymore.
And so Sunday rolled around.
Oh, Sunday. I don't know where my self control went, but it certainly wasn't with me when that shot glass full of tequila was in front of me... or when it was filled again with Vodka.. then Gin.. And it definitely wasn't there when I couldn't even remember what was being poured into the glass. Not one of my finest moments in life, but I guess I was pretty funny.
Thankfully I have great friends who are willing to take care of me even when I can barely walk or talk. Thank you to everyone who helped me out, especially Hazel. I don't know how you dealt with my fatass hanging on to you the whole way to the dumpster and then seeing me puke up everything I had that night. Thanks for sticking by me the whole night :)
And thank you Jon and Justin for picking us up, carrying me back to my room and making sure I wasn't drunk dialing or texting. I owe you guys one. Oh and of course, Matt. Dear old Matt who graciously made me down some strange drink that forced me to throw everything up (I felt much better afterwards) and carried my fatass all the way back to the apartment :)

What a night.

I've thought a couple times to myself, like some people I know have, 'why do people subject themselves to something like drinking if they know it's going to end up badly?'
I guess in my situation, I kind of understand why. It just feels good to forget about your problems for awhile, even for a couple hours. I know drinking isn't the only option, but I think it's the quickest and requires the least amount of work (and let's face it, I'm pretty lazy). And when I threw up and had that splitting headache in the morning, I finally felt something other than just that numbing confusion and hurt I'd been feeling for the past two weeks. Now I just sound alcoholic..
But really, after everything is said and done.. Drinking just made things worse. And I don't want to do it again anytime soon or in the near future.
Now I'm sitting here with basically everything to lose and nothing to win.

I'm stuck between who I want to be and where I'm actually heading. My sense of right and wrong isn't as easy as black and white anymore. I'm seeing more gray than anything these past few weeks. I thought I knew who I was, but I'm not so sure anymore. And I thought it was him who needed time to find himself, but maybe we both need to. I know I need to do it by myself, but I'm afraid to let go.

And now I'm back to where I started.. feeling confused and hurt.

What happened? Who has the answers?

iLike Freestyle

Just something for my UCI friends. Let's do this shit! :)